People Watching

A little over a year ago I posted a missive about a man named Emmett R. McBain III. Since then other interesting things have happened however instead of riding the trains and observing people, I've found a new place to do that. People watching has always been something important to me. Without my observations of people, I wouldn't get inspiration to paint. Without it I wouldn't be inspired to write. Mainly though, without it the jigsaw puzzle of my soul would never find the missing pieces.

Birthday!

As evidenced by this photo I had a great time at my birthday party. I'm pretty sure other people had a great time too! There's just something to me about celebrating getting through one more year of life with people who you adore. After the year I've had thus far, yes I mean 2010, the idea of having a crazy birthday party was well invited. I'm glad I did it.

There was singing, and dancing, and fun. Good friends and good times at a great place.

I feel blessed.

The Magical Fridge Magnets.

For Christmas this year I set an interesting challenge for myself. The challenge was to paint individual canvases for all of my friends. I bought approximately 500 tiny canvases some were 2" by 2" some were 3"X 3" and some were 2"x 3". Now, I didn't set out to paint individual canvases for everyone I know, that would be insane... just to paint individual canvases for all of my friends, or people I care about to some degree or another.

I went around asking a bunch of people the random question of "what color is your kitchen?" I didn't specify as to what color they accessorize their kitchen with, just what color it was. Those who were smart enough to give me the color of their kitchen accessories - got a matching diptych, triptych, or even a quintych mini-art for their fridge. Those who told me the color of their walls got paintings that matched my impression of them - color-wise.

These magnets are magical in one sense. They gave me a chance to really think about all of the people they were painted for. My family, my friends, my neighbors, some of my co-workers. The thing is, I don't even really care if they liked them - what was important... what was magical to me was the act of painting them while thinking about these people individually. I started months ago a little simple project I thought - which actually turned out to be a huge undertaking.

I managed to do a lot of bad things during the project too. Don't get me wrong, not anything criminal - just ruined a table and might have to sand and refinish the floor.

I have my favorites too. The ones I made for my mother remind me of peacock feathers. The ones I made for my BFF match the backsplash in her kitchen perfectly. The ones I made for my friend Kim C. were made to some very interesting specifications, but I rose to that challenge. The ones I ended up giving to my friend Kelly were by far my absolute favorite as they are the only ones that I changed the M.O. of the artwork for. The funny thing is - I only took pictures of a very small set of them, and now I regret not having pictures of all of them. They are all of course in the homes of friends and family where I can either go visit them and photograph them or ask for pictures of them - but I should have been better at documenting the process.

I think I loved making them so much that I might start a store on ETSY and sell them. Someone might want a little triptych for their fridge... And hey - we can all use a little extra cash. :)

This Poem Came to Me in a Dream

Exsanguination

While waiting for you
I've paced in circles
I've lost my feet
Balancing on the bloody stumps
Feeling the blood drain from me.

Along with my feet, I wore through the hope
Stamping bloody circles in a bloody circle.

I shall continue to pace
Until I can walk no more.
While my legs waste away.

And legless I'll pace in my mind
Until my exsanguination is complete.
Waiting.

That's alls I can stands

Sometimes you have to step outside of yourself for one minute. Sometimes you should listen when others speak to you, even when you don't think what they are saying has any bearing on your life. Often, this is the opposite of the truth. By "this" I mean that what they are saying has no bearing on your life.

Someone recently was telling me about how they are choosing to deal with people in a different way. About how hot-headed they have gotten in the past and how it never worked out. However, they also were saying that being passive-aggressive in nature hadn't worked out all that well either, because they were just bottling things up. Bottle something up long enough and you have a cataclysmic eruption.

I am a bottler. I am a venter. Instead of telling the people who should hear something, I tell my friends. This is the wrong move. This was the message I was getting from someone and I ignored it. It didn't relate to me at all. But oh, it did.

I'd been bottling up something for awhile and "Boom goes the dynamite" eruption. So I'm going to pause and take a break from things for a minute. I'm going to stretch and ponder. I'm going to face the world head-on and listen to the messages from the many mouths of the beast we call humanity. I shall take heed.

I guess...

There was nothing to fear. I went in expecting to get 1 tooth pulled, and he yanked as many as he could get his grubby little hands on. But the positive thing here is, I still have all the feeling in my mouth - yay.

Actually the upper wisdoms were not bad at all - he literally grabbed and yanked and done. The bottoms though... fuck. Here's the thing, I'm not into drugs. I went in and had it all in my head to tell them to gas me and put me under and knock me in the head with a club if they had to. I thought, "you don't want to be awake for this." But I was.

The bottom right was pretty ridiculous. It was partially erupted and coming in sideways so, unlike the tops - it wasn't a straight pull. He had to drill it, break it, and pull it out one shard at a time. Did I mention that I was awake and had nothing but some novocaine to numb the area? Yeah. I had my wisdoms done under a local anesthetic only. I am an idiot.

The last 2 days have been pretty painful, swollen, and gross. I've slept a lot because of the painkillers I'm on. I'm about to go back to sleep now. The worst is over though. I think. It's day 3 - the worst better be over.

Fear

Tomorrow I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled. I'm deathly afraid of this. Why? Not because I fear pain, but because I was told that the roots are hitting the nerve and there is a possibility that I'll lose feeling in my mouth. How much would that suck? Think about how many times feeling in your mouth has saved you. I have food allergies and sometimes that initial touch of something to my lips will trigger a tingling that warns me not to actually eat whatever it is.

Tonight alone I was reminded of how much feeling in one's mouth is important. I had these beans that were volcanically hot. Burned the hell out of my mouth. Now, with no feeling in my mouth, I'd just keep eating them. I'd burn my esophagus. Ouch.

Beyond all this, there are clearly other reasons why feeling in one's mouth is a good thing. Kisses. My favorite thing in the world... to not be able to feel a kiss. What kind of life is that?

Pray for me, whoever might read this.

Tomorrow we'll find out what happens.

Conversations with REAL people.

You ever have a conversation with someone and you share intimate details of your life with, and you know this is a friend for life. This is someone that, while you won't necessarily break bread with or whatever, they are yours, not in the possessive sense, but in some weird spiritual sense. They have admitted that they think more of you than you'd assume they would.

Sure, you are interesting, and people who don't know anything about you gravitate toward you like some sort of magnet. But, as one of these "Magnets" there are few people whom you feel you have a connection to. You, whoever you are, know yourself. You know that the people you are attracted to are usually real people who make your mind awaken. You know you, and you know the people who you are drawn towards.

Sometimes, conversations are just conversations. But sometimes, for whatever reason, conversations are some sort of intercourse with someone else's soul. Sometimes, a conversation is a spiritual journey that you and whomever you are speaking to take together. Sometimes, magic happens. Be aware of it, it's awesome.

Tonight, for some reason, I had one. I had a conversation that started as benign and ended up being amazing. You are now a thought this person might have - not necessarily tomorrow or even tonight... but at some point this person will remember something said and either smile, or be pensive. You have awakened something inside them, and them inside you and you won't forget it as long as you live. Cherish this moment. Please. Remember that ever conversation you have with someone, when you reveal your inner you, is a moment that they will cherish. It might not be outwardly at all, but in their mind they will have learned about themselves from something you said.

I had one of those tonight. I hope you have one too.